To the sucky new photographer

Remember when you first decided to do this photography thing? Taking photos was fun, sometimes you got a good one and that was really cool when you did. People close to you were encouraging you to pursue this, you liked some pictures you took of your kid or your loved ones or your plants, and you wondered if you could make it more than just for you. If you could make it real.

That shit is terrifying. That stage of wanting to be a professional photographer but keeping it quiet for whatever negative things you're convincing yourself into believing (I'm not good enough, my area already has too many photographers, I'll never get as good as person xyz).... It's a tough place mentally. It really is terrifying.

What are people going to say when you step out with your dream? Are they gonna eye roll and say "oh look another one"? What photos will you share? How will they be judged? Is the public going to watch you fall flat on your face? Are the people you look up to going to laugh at you?

When I went public a few years ago on CameronsMom.com with having an interest in photography I was so negative about myself that I LIED ABOUT IT. I seriously just openly lied to avoid any judgment. I was so convinced that people were going to laugh at me, that my friends who were actually established photographers were going to be ANGRY with me. So I just said "it's just a hobby, I'll never try to do anything with it, I don't want to pursue this professionally, I just like taking pictures for fun" because I was so scared of stepping on people's toes or being scrutinized.

Cue the $20 sessions, which became $45 sessions, which became $90 sessions (which are now $500 sessions!) and the bad white balance. I was on a journey and totally embarrassed about it. Creating the business Facebook page was a moment I just had to force myself to do, it was terrifying, and EVERYTHING WORKED OUT FINE. Great, even. I would love to tell myself then a few things:

1) It's going to work out.

In the words of one of our modern day scholars, the great Britney Spears, you better work bitch. You do the work, you reap the rewards. Work. Learn. Educate. Don't go slowly. Condense it. Catch up. Stay up all night every night, learn everything, be hungry for knowledge, and kill it. Don't ask other photographers to throw everything they took years to know in a nicely packaged book for you in a Facebook message, that's lazy. Get out there and use the internet at your finger tips and take photos and read your manual and Youtube and learn and fail and learn and fail. Failure gets a little less redundant later but not completely.

2) Stop thinking people care what you're doing so much.

Literally this is probably what happened when I announced to Facebook that I was pursuing photography professionally: "oh Jessica started a photography business, cool. What do I feel like for dinner... Mexican or burgers." But I'm thinking there's like group texts of every person who ever made me feel lesser in high school laughing at my life. NO ONE CARES like we think they care! Odds are they're saying that's great! Get out of your negative head, no one is out to laugh at you or hope for your failure. You aren't giving the people in your life enough credit.

3) You're gonna make money eventually, just not this year.

It will come. Be patient. You're gonna be in the hole for a little while. This is expensive and it's going to pay for itself, it will.

4) At some point you won't suck.

That day will be glorious. You'll never feel like you're amazing (and if you do, you may want to check your ego) but you will get to a place where you don't think you suck anymore. You won't feel AS lost. You won't get AS nervous before every session. It comes in time. If you don't want to suck, see point one.

5) You're entering your life path.

Scary is good. You're about to make some amazing friends who share your interest, you're about to create lifelong relationships with some clients you never would have met otherwise. You're going to feel so much pride building a business. You're going to feel so great being able to bring an income into your household doing something you enjoy and not having to put Cameron in full time childcare. You're gonna love never working for an attorney again working a 9-5. This is stressful, it's all on you. But you're gonna love most days of this journey, you just have to take the leap of faith.

I'm sure someone out there is in this stage, this stomach turning nervous negative stage, and I just want you to know your feelings are normal, and YOU choose what comes out of your business. Take the leap, do the work, and it really does work out. Imagine all of the wonderful things that will not happen if you do not do them. Do them.